As a married man of now three years, with three children, (one destroying my home, the other in my wife's belly and one in heaven), I can't act like the wise married man of 25+ years but I can share what wisdom the Lord brought me thus far.
Learn to love her. Yes I said learn because it takes time to learn how much Christ loved His church. If you want to experience loving your wife the way He intended you must understand the love of a father.
You see, when a man has a child and gets to hold in his arms something so precious, a treasure if you will, nothing makes you want to allow any harm to that little gift. You start caring above and beyond about safety, sympathy, care, and the love they desire from you. This is how our Father created your love to be for your wife. He created her perfectly and beautifully just for you, but like any father He desires that we treat His creation like He desires us to. A Father is scared of ever letting his beautiful little girl go into the hands of the wrong man so He earnestly prays and hopes that the right man will come along for her...this is how the Father treats his children too. However the interesting thing is He created the man too but it is up to the man to make the choice to love her respectfully and with a fiery passion that can only come from the intamacy the man has with the Lord.
My wife Abigail has been put through the ringer with me and that's probably why I have this on my heart to share so that other men would learn a lesson from my mistakes.
Put God first and then her directly next even before your children. You were given eternity by believing that Christ died for you on the cross...that was a gift out of grace and mercy. Then you were given HER. So if you think for a moment that maybe you don't have what you want In life, remember that you have been given the greatest gifts already. When man finds a wife he finds a good thing.
Don't allow the world to tell you different and don't just take my words. Read what the scriptures have to say and let them be your guide.
Always remember that she is your first ministry before anything else you do for the Lord. Don't allow what the modern day church has and continues to do by showing that there is no higher calling than to serve all your days in church ministry... I fell into that and many times thought my marriage would eventually fail. She comes first after your time with Christ...always!
Is this hard to do? I shouldn't have to even tell you. But the most rewarding thing that you will gain from this is simply the love that was created for you to share by the Most High.
Always,
Michael
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